I would love to run. I have dreams of one day strapping on my sneakers and heading out for a nice long run, pony tail bouncing happily instead of my jiggling fat.
However, I've realised a problem with my dream. I can't run. Sparrow and I went for a walk the other day and he kept wanting me to run, but aside from the part where I don't want people to see me run because I'm like a big hippo - I also feel like a huge elephant trying to run because I'm so bloody heavy. It takes some serious effort to move my body in anything faster than a walk. Its also painful to move my big elephant body like that.
I love the fact that I am losing weight, but its just not fast enough for me! My head wants me to be skinnier so its easy for me to run, however, my body isn't listening to my head and is losing it at a slower rate. Which I know is the way its supposed to be, slow and steady wins the race and all that - but god it takes a long time to get there!
And there in lies the problem with all my other weight loss efforts. I get discouraged by the sheer amount of time it takes to lose all these kilos and putting them on didn't seem to take as long as taking them off. Of course I've put on all this weight from all my pregnancies, so theoretically its taken about 5 years to get to where I am today and its not going to take me 5 years to take it off.....but I want to be fit and healthy now - not in 10.5 months time!
So there it is - I'm impatient and I want results now. Doesn't everyone? ;)
Monday 28 May 2012
Sunday 27 May 2012
Sunday bloody Sunday
Well not really, but it is Sunday, and I love that song and couldn't think of a better title.
Today we went to a friend's daughter's birthday party. It was great, really casual affair, lots of kids and some really nice people. There was some good food and some not so good food. We had both. We figured that this is a lifestyle we are living, not a diet. A diet is something that is usually hard to keep up with, if you go off it then you suffer guilt and at the end of it when you start eating normal food again, you usually gain back the weight. Well, that's how its been for me for most of my life, and I've been dieting on and off since I was 12.
So today we had the good and the bad food, but we didn't beat ourselves up about it. We eat good, healthy, nutritious food to fuel our body 99% of the time. So once in a while, its ok to eat some not so good stuff.
I didn't feel like exercising tonight, but I made myself. Each time I say that I don't feel like doing it, its the exact reason why I should be doing it. Half an hour and I feel much better for it.
We also did our usual Sunday weigh in this morning, and I was *drum roll please*...
Current weight: 93.4kg.
Total weight loss to date: 6.6kg.
Today we went to a friend's daughter's birthday party. It was great, really casual affair, lots of kids and some really nice people. There was some good food and some not so good food. We had both. We figured that this is a lifestyle we are living, not a diet. A diet is something that is usually hard to keep up with, if you go off it then you suffer guilt and at the end of it when you start eating normal food again, you usually gain back the weight. Well, that's how its been for me for most of my life, and I've been dieting on and off since I was 12.
So today we had the good and the bad food, but we didn't beat ourselves up about it. We eat good, healthy, nutritious food to fuel our body 99% of the time. So once in a while, its ok to eat some not so good stuff.
I didn't feel like exercising tonight, but I made myself. Each time I say that I don't feel like doing it, its the exact reason why I should be doing it. Half an hour and I feel much better for it.
We also did our usual Sunday weigh in this morning, and I was *drum roll please*...
Current weight: 93.4kg.
Total weight loss to date: 6.6kg.
Saturday 26 May 2012
To run your own race
Today I've been thinking about how competitive I am, how I compare myself to others and how disappointed I get within myself if I don't do as well with things as others do. I know its only natural and totally a human being response - but I don't like it.
I don't like it when I see others achieving more in their exercise and I feel jealous. I hate that I feel that, I get down on myself and then I start kicking myself for feeling like that. A sad sorry circle of self hatred and jealousy - and thats got to change.
It's funny, I don't like to compare my own children's achievements with other children, but when it comes to my achievements they mean nothing if they don't seem as good as another persons.
So after my total wake up call this morning that this is what I do - I've given myself a good old talking to, and I'm not going to run someone else's race. This is my weight loss journey, and only mine. Only I can be in charge of how much weight I lose, how much effort I put into it, and I cannot (and will not) compare myself to other people.
I will be proud of my friend's achievements (which I always was proud, it was just followed by my own self loathing crap) and remember that even though my race may be run a bit slower than someone else's - the main thing is that I make it to the finish line as well. Doesn't matter when, it just matters that I make it there.
I've lost weight before - 22kg in 5 months after I had Sparrow. I was 68kg and pretty happy within myself. So thats what I have to compare myself to, my past achievements, not another persons.
I've done it once, I can do it again, and I have to stop hating myself.
I don't like it when I see others achieving more in their exercise and I feel jealous. I hate that I feel that, I get down on myself and then I start kicking myself for feeling like that. A sad sorry circle of self hatred and jealousy - and thats got to change.
It's funny, I don't like to compare my own children's achievements with other children, but when it comes to my achievements they mean nothing if they don't seem as good as another persons.
So after my total wake up call this morning that this is what I do - I've given myself a good old talking to, and I'm not going to run someone else's race. This is my weight loss journey, and only mine. Only I can be in charge of how much weight I lose, how much effort I put into it, and I cannot (and will not) compare myself to other people.
I will be proud of my friend's achievements (which I always was proud, it was just followed by my own self loathing crap) and remember that even though my race may be run a bit slower than someone else's - the main thing is that I make it to the finish line as well. Doesn't matter when, it just matters that I make it there.
I've lost weight before - 22kg in 5 months after I had Sparrow. I was 68kg and pretty happy within myself. So thats what I have to compare myself to, my past achievements, not another persons.
I've done it once, I can do it again, and I have to stop hating myself.
Friday 25 May 2012
Monthly weigh in
Ok so I'm a few days late, but I did weigh in on the 23rd for my monthly weigh in, pictures were taken for comparison (which I will share when I get down to about 80kg!).
Results were good, one month on the Melcra diet and I'm down to 93.8kg. So a loss of 6.2kg. Plus the most important news, I've dropped down a size in my jeans! No longer a size 18, I can get comfortably into a size 16! I haven't been a 16 in a fair while (before pregnant with Speedy I would guess) so I'm pretty happy with that result after a month.
I've caught myself snacking of a night time though, its a habitual thing. So I'm going to cook up some popcorn (air popped) and snack on that instead of the sultanas and rice thins that I have been eating in huge amounts.
Good stuff to eat yes, but still not good in huge amounts!
I think it takes a while to change a habit, so while I can't change that, I can change how much damage is done to my diet and snack on low calorie stuff instead of the usual chips/chocolate/lollies that I used to snack on.
Oh and I keep forgetting to mention how good Elf Man is looking - he's trimmed down about 17kg from December and needs a woohoo!!! So WOOOHOOO Elf Man, you're doing a great job :)
Results were good, one month on the Melcra diet and I'm down to 93.8kg. So a loss of 6.2kg. Plus the most important news, I've dropped down a size in my jeans! No longer a size 18, I can get comfortably into a size 16! I haven't been a 16 in a fair while (before pregnant with Speedy I would guess) so I'm pretty happy with that result after a month.
I've caught myself snacking of a night time though, its a habitual thing. So I'm going to cook up some popcorn (air popped) and snack on that instead of the sultanas and rice thins that I have been eating in huge amounts.
Good stuff to eat yes, but still not good in huge amounts!
I think it takes a while to change a habit, so while I can't change that, I can change how much damage is done to my diet and snack on low calorie stuff instead of the usual chips/chocolate/lollies that I used to snack on.
Oh and I keep forgetting to mention how good Elf Man is looking - he's trimmed down about 17kg from December and needs a woohoo!!! So WOOOHOOO Elf Man, you're doing a great job :)
Sunday 20 May 2012
Another weigh in day
This morning was another weigh in day.
Loss of 900g. I'm slowly losing weight, but I'm consistent, which Elf Man says means I'm doing it the right way.
My approach is pretty relaxed to this "diet", I exercise when I want/can (so not every night, just most nights) and my morning walk has pretty much gone because of rough nights with the kids at the moment, and I'm eating normal, good food. Food that fuels your body, not just makes your craving go away - till the next time it comes back!
So far I've been lucky though, I don't crave chocolate at all, and I only crave maccas when I drive past it......
Current weight: 94.6kg
Total weight loss so far: 5.4kg (stoked!!)
Loss of 900g. I'm slowly losing weight, but I'm consistent, which Elf Man says means I'm doing it the right way.
My approach is pretty relaxed to this "diet", I exercise when I want/can (so not every night, just most nights) and my morning walk has pretty much gone because of rough nights with the kids at the moment, and I'm eating normal, good food. Food that fuels your body, not just makes your craving go away - till the next time it comes back!
So far I've been lucky though, I don't crave chocolate at all, and I only crave maccas when I drive past it......
Current weight: 94.6kg
Total weight loss so far: 5.4kg (stoked!!)
Wednesday 16 May 2012
The power of will power
Today I went out for lunch with my mum at a tavern. They had kids meals for free on Wednesdays - and lucky for us - it was Wednesday. So that moment was pure awesome.
So I flicked through the menu. Most things for lunch were burgers or battered fish, there wasn't a lot of options for someone on a low crap (haha) diet.
So I ordered a chicken wrap. That was the healthiest thing on the menu. So it came, and there was a shitload of cheese in it. So I scraped most of the cheese off and gave it to the baby. That was my semi proud moment right there - not tucking in to all that cheese!
My most ultimate test of will power today was to not eat the chips that my wrap was resting on. God they looked great and the smell! - it was making my mouth water.
So I put most of them on the side on my plate. Then I took four out. I was thinking that I could have four, whats four chips after all.... then I looked at Coo's plate. She had nuggets, chips and salad.
So my will power kicked into gear - and I traded her my chips for her salad. Then I had Speedy's salad as well.
So instead of a full plate of chips, instead of 4 chips - I had salad.
I am super proud of myself. Super dooper proud!
So I flicked through the menu. Most things for lunch were burgers or battered fish, there wasn't a lot of options for someone on a low crap (haha) diet.
So I ordered a chicken wrap. That was the healthiest thing on the menu. So it came, and there was a shitload of cheese in it. So I scraped most of the cheese off and gave it to the baby. That was my semi proud moment right there - not tucking in to all that cheese!
My most ultimate test of will power today was to not eat the chips that my wrap was resting on. God they looked great and the smell! - it was making my mouth water.
So I put most of them on the side on my plate. Then I took four out. I was thinking that I could have four, whats four chips after all.... then I looked at Coo's plate. She had nuggets, chips and salad.
So my will power kicked into gear - and I traded her my chips for her salad. Then I had Speedy's salad as well.
So instead of a full plate of chips, instead of 4 chips - I had salad.
I am super proud of myself. Super dooper proud!
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Inspiration vs motivation
For all the times that I have tried to diet, and there have been many, I thought that it was all about the inspiration. Inspiration from other people to create the drive to lose weight. I have a few inspirational people in my life at the moment, Selina and Nicki being two of them that are a great inspiration to me with their weight loss.
However, I have discovered that it doesn't seem to matter how much inspiration you are provided with, if you don't create your own motivation to lose weight, then the odds for success probably aren't very high.
So this is my motivation.
Isn't it hideous? This was taken on the 25th March this year. This is my motivation to lose weight. To never be like this again. I've never been as disgusted to look at a picture of myself as I am to look at this one.
So I have the motivation now - this hangs on my fridge so I can see it every time I feel like a snack.
3 weeks in, 4.5kg down - I think its working.
Must be off to go and exercise! Although I was good and didn't have chocolate and lollies today that were on offer - I snacked a lot, so best hop on that bike!
And to keep a record for myself - I'm did 11 sit ups and 8 push ups last night. My aim is to try and do one more the next night. Don't think I'll last too long on that one with the push ups - I'm bloody heavy to try and push off the floor!
However, I have discovered that it doesn't seem to matter how much inspiration you are provided with, if you don't create your own motivation to lose weight, then the odds for success probably aren't very high.
So this is my motivation.
Isn't it hideous? This was taken on the 25th March this year. This is my motivation to lose weight. To never be like this again. I've never been as disgusted to look at a picture of myself as I am to look at this one.
So I have the motivation now - this hangs on my fridge so I can see it every time I feel like a snack.
3 weeks in, 4.5kg down - I think its working.
Must be off to go and exercise! Although I was good and didn't have chocolate and lollies today that were on offer - I snacked a lot, so best hop on that bike!
And to keep a record for myself - I'm did 11 sit ups and 8 push ups last night. My aim is to try and do one more the next night. Don't think I'll last too long on that one with the push ups - I'm bloody heavy to try and push off the floor!
Sunday 13 May 2012
Mothers day weigh in
Today was mothers day. I wanted to weigh in before going out and probably not eating all that well!
So this week I lost 900g. Not too bad, slow but consistent!
Current weight: 95.5
Total weight loss so far: 4.5kg
Bring on this week!
So this week I lost 900g. Not too bad, slow but consistent!
Current weight: 95.5
Total weight loss so far: 4.5kg
Bring on this week!
Wednesday 9 May 2012
No excuses!
Watching The Biggest Loser has always been inspiring, the contestants look so good at the finale, its amazing how much work they put into themselves.
So as I was in bed this morning, a little chilly, I so didn't feel like getting up and going for a walk at 6am. But excuses (its too cold, I'm too tired) isn't going to remove my fat butt, so in spite of all that and the fact that I was sooooo unmotivated - I did it anyway.
Got up, went for a walk. Only took 30 minutes and I'm glad I did it. Every step I make in pushing myself is going to make it easier for me tomorrow to get out of bed. I'm creating a new habit in my life, breaking the old ones.
Cos nothing changes, if nothing changes.
So as I was in bed this morning, a little chilly, I so didn't feel like getting up and going for a walk at 6am. But excuses (its too cold, I'm too tired) isn't going to remove my fat butt, so in spite of all that and the fact that I was sooooo unmotivated - I did it anyway.
Got up, went for a walk. Only took 30 minutes and I'm glad I did it. Every step I make in pushing myself is going to make it easier for me tomorrow to get out of bed. I'm creating a new habit in my life, breaking the old ones.
Cos nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Monday 7 May 2012
Second week results
So I was slack this morning, and instead of jumping out of bed at 6am to go for my usual walk, I ended up staying in bed a little longer and hugging my kids instead. Exercise will always be there, but I'm not going to make it an obsession - it has to fit in around my family, which will always come first (especially as they are still so young!)
So, then I jumped on the scales - loss of 800g. Not bad, a good weight loss is supposed to be 500g-1kg every week, slow but consistent is the key. Although my mum thinks a good weight loss is 2-3kg every week, I suspect she has been watching too much of The Biggest Loser.
We went out last night for some family photos, another reminder to me why I am doing this because my arm looks absolutely massive in the photo. I can't believe I let myself get this big! Its amazing what your mind lets you see in the mirror. We gave the kids chips for dinner on the beach, but Elf Man and I resisted - god they smelt fabulous!!!! But as starving as we were, we resisted and I cooked us up a healthy chicken and vegetable stir fry when we got home - which was also really really yummy!
So as low as my loss was this week, I proved that even in the face of temptation, I will not give in. This is not a "diet", this is my life.
Last weigh in - 97.2kg
Current weight - 96.4kg
So, then I jumped on the scales - loss of 800g. Not bad, a good weight loss is supposed to be 500g-1kg every week, slow but consistent is the key. Although my mum thinks a good weight loss is 2-3kg every week, I suspect she has been watching too much of The Biggest Loser.
We went out last night for some family photos, another reminder to me why I am doing this because my arm looks absolutely massive in the photo. I can't believe I let myself get this big! Its amazing what your mind lets you see in the mirror. We gave the kids chips for dinner on the beach, but Elf Man and I resisted - god they smelt fabulous!!!! But as starving as we were, we resisted and I cooked us up a healthy chicken and vegetable stir fry when we got home - which was also really really yummy!
So as low as my loss was this week, I proved that even in the face of temptation, I will not give in. This is not a "diet", this is my life.
Last weigh in - 97.2kg
Current weight - 96.4kg
Saturday 5 May 2012
Starting out
I thought I would start a different blog for my weight loss journey. So this is it.
A couple of weeks ago, Sparrow called me fat. A few times. It hurt, but I got over it.
Then he told me that a boy from his school told him that I was fat. That hurt more. He got teased because I was fat.
So that's it. I'm on a new eating plan (I don't really like the word diet) and I'm exercising. I walk most mornings for half an hour, and then I either go on the cross trainer or the exercise bike for half an hour at night. Not a lot of exercise, but as easy as it is to make excuses to not get on and do some exercise - its easy to think that half an hour isn't a lot of time to commit to making myself fitter and healthier.
Anyway - I started out on the 23rd of April weighing 100kg.
I weighed in last Monday (30th April) and had lost 2.8kg in my first week of eating healthy and exercising. I'm not really doing anything that dramatically different, I have either a green smoothie or raw fruit cereal for breakfast, a salad with either tuna or chicken for lunch, and then normal dinners. I have rice crackers and fruit for snacks, and have been going pretty well with my willpower to not gobble up all the biscuits that I buy for the kids.
I have my picture of me on my fridge to remind me how disgusting I look at the moment. I don't want to be looking like that next year. So I'm giving myself till Easter next year to get where I want to be - 65 by Easter time I call it!
So that's it! This is to keep me accountable, keep me motivated and keep me on track to where I want to be. And hopefully Sparrow will never have to be teased about my weight again.
Starting weight - 100kg
Current weight - 97.2kg
Let's see what Monday brings!
A couple of weeks ago, Sparrow called me fat. A few times. It hurt, but I got over it.
Then he told me that a boy from his school told him that I was fat. That hurt more. He got teased because I was fat.
So that's it. I'm on a new eating plan (I don't really like the word diet) and I'm exercising. I walk most mornings for half an hour, and then I either go on the cross trainer or the exercise bike for half an hour at night. Not a lot of exercise, but as easy as it is to make excuses to not get on and do some exercise - its easy to think that half an hour isn't a lot of time to commit to making myself fitter and healthier.
Anyway - I started out on the 23rd of April weighing 100kg.
I weighed in last Monday (30th April) and had lost 2.8kg in my first week of eating healthy and exercising. I'm not really doing anything that dramatically different, I have either a green smoothie or raw fruit cereal for breakfast, a salad with either tuna or chicken for lunch, and then normal dinners. I have rice crackers and fruit for snacks, and have been going pretty well with my willpower to not gobble up all the biscuits that I buy for the kids.
I have my picture of me on my fridge to remind me how disgusting I look at the moment. I don't want to be looking like that next year. So I'm giving myself till Easter next year to get where I want to be - 65 by Easter time I call it!
So that's it! This is to keep me accountable, keep me motivated and keep me on track to where I want to be. And hopefully Sparrow will never have to be teased about my weight again.
Starting weight - 100kg
Current weight - 97.2kg
Let's see what Monday brings!
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