Today I've been thinking about how competitive I am, how I compare myself to others and how disappointed I get within myself if I don't do as well with things as others do. I know its only natural and totally a human being response - but I don't like it.
I don't like it when I see others achieving more in their exercise and I feel jealous. I hate that I feel that, I get down on myself and then I start kicking myself for feeling like that. A sad sorry circle of self hatred and jealousy - and thats got to change.
It's funny, I don't like to compare my own children's achievements with other children, but when it comes to my achievements they mean nothing if they don't seem as good as another persons.
So after my total wake up call this morning that this is what I do - I've given myself a good old talking to, and I'm not going to run someone else's race. This is my weight loss journey, and only mine. Only I can be in charge of how much weight I lose, how much effort I put into it, and I cannot (and will not) compare myself to other people.
I will be proud of my friend's achievements (which I always was proud, it was just followed by my own self loathing crap) and remember that even though my race may be run a bit slower than someone else's - the main thing is that I make it to the finish line as well. Doesn't matter when, it just matters that I make it there.
I've lost weight before - 22kg in 5 months after I had Sparrow. I was 68kg and pretty happy within myself. So thats what I have to compare myself to, my past achievements, not another persons.
I've done it once, I can do it again, and I have to stop hating myself.
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